To be fair, I’m not blaming my parents. They really were trying to push me to do better, always better, and every bit of self sufficiency I enjoy right now is their job well done. I can do all sorts of things nowadays, despite my best efforts to bail on my own capability. I just think that my factory presets ingested their parental programming in a really terrible way way.
What it means is that I may start all sorts of new interesting things, only to run out of steam right away. Something comes up and I feel thwarted, then give up altogether because it just takes so much energy to get started again. And since nothing I do ever feels good enough, thanks Mom and Dad, I have a difficult time telling myself to invest energy in a venture that will end up making me feel like a failure.