What The Fates Allow

There are many things that should be this Christmas. Should be but are not. I am desperate not to be melancholy about it. Desperate to sit in the glow of Christmas tree lights and feel as lucky as I know I am. A warm house, bills paid, a few simple gifts for my beautiful, healthy children. This is the goodness of a life well lived, whether or not it is Christmas. Yes, of course, there is an ache for those I am missing, but…

I focus on now. Cut wrapping paper; fold and tape. The Ronettes finish up singing Sleigh Ride and another song comes on the radio. Bing Crosby croons, urging me to hold on to these quiet, happy moments I already know. It is Christmas, after all. It is meant to be merry.

He keeps singing and my heart gets heavier instead of lighter. I can’t help it. I want to help it, you know?

– See more at: http://www.runningnekkid.com/content/what_fates_allow#sthash.Ijiv9M7X.dpuf

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